Great Way To Kill The Mood

I hate her.

I don't say that very often so my word do ring true. I really do. This isn't even a 'whaaa, I hate my family they don't understand me thing'. No, it's a why would you fucking do that to your own son thing.
Seriously, how dare she.
She didnt even tell me she was going to do it, never expected it, all she told me was that she was going to start it up, so of course I handed her the keys, and what did she do when I was away...
Sell my car.
How? Why? I don't care anymore. She was the one who ruin our relationship, and now I doubt it will ever be repaired.
Trust is everything to me, and what do I do when I can't even trustto one who I should love the most?

I look back at the weekend, and I wonder why I was so naieve. I had the greatest weekend, and it tainted buy this. All of those people I met, all of the things I did, all of it, shadowed by the sick relixation thast I cant trust my mother.

She dosnt even understand what I went through, why I coulnt get it on the road, she wasnt even fucking there, so how the fuck would she know.....
How!?

No, I can't do this anymore, I need some time to sleep, and to think about it all...

The Necrosis of a High Speed Pursuit

Last night was fun.
Justin is fucking awesome, and work went by with ease. As long as your with the people you like work can be how ever you want it...
Not the point.

After work me and Kevin went on a high speed pursuit. It was awesome. Makes me want to start our private detective agency. Marotta/Masalaz, renegade detectives...

Awesome, pure awesome....

Necronomicon is this weekend, leaving for it in in an hour or so. I can only hope its fun...
I know I'll have a few good stories....

Speeking of stories, I'm going to start writing them more often on the Hub, I need to cronical what my book will be about. I think I'm gonna call, The life and Times of a Jerk Named Zooma (and his nicer personality Peter)...

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Now playing: Death Cab For Cutie - I Will Possess Your Heart

The Working Process of Friendship

I've been so disjointed the last few week...
Between the whole computer failing issue, I also had some personal stuff to deal with, but thats not quite that important...

So many things has happened in those three weeks, I don't know where to begin...

I tell Estevon that time will heal all wounds (not quite in that phrasing). The whole Kristina ordeal has hit not just them, but everyone hard, and it sucks. i use to tell myself I wouldn't pick a side, but I want Estevon to be my best man. Eventually. How could I hurt my friendship over a single person. Same with Carlie. I'm sure Carlie still talks to Krystina, but I'm sure the bond between the two will never be the same. I've been wanting to talk to her about everything that has happened, but I cant bring myself to do it. Half fear of Estevon's reaction, half fear of what will happen. I fell as if I abbandoned a friend, and it kills me, whats she's going throgh must be worse.

A Tale as Long as Time...

Sigh...

It sucks when you see a friend in pain.
It's even worse when you see your best friends who has always been there for you in emotional pain.

The sad part is, we all saw this coming, we all saw that it would eventually have to come down to them breaking up, it was inevitable. But we didn't see how hard it would hit all of us. Top that with not know what to do about it. It just sucks.

Only time will tell, sadly enough.

Pain, Break Steady.

Life at this moment sucks.

Trying to get in shape is hard, but as your trying to do it, you get a gum infection, on top of your wisdom tooth acting up, on top of a cracked tooth, its hard.

Last week, nothing seemed to be helping, lack of sleep, and the incredible pain was kiling me. All night I would wander back and forth from the kitchen to the living room. Now I know what a zombie feels like. Hell, I was even moaning...

Meditation was working for a while. During thise sleepless nights I would sit there, blank and empty. I just let go of everything, and the pain left. Then I would break out of it, and the pain would come back, and I woulden't be able to get back into that state of mind.

Yesterday was the worse, but I was saved.

It's go to know I always have people there for me.

Now that I'm on the regiment of Biaxin, and Vicodin (which only costed 5$) I'm feeling better, but its still gonna be a long week.

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Now playing: We Are Scientists - Can't Lose

This is what it should be like...

"This is what living is like..."
When Troy said this, it made me realize how good I have it. He looked so in place there, on the green of the golf course. He was at home there, you could see it in his eyes. True happiness...

Thats why I understand what Esty is doing. He is really looking deep inside him self, look for who he really is, and I admire him for it, kinda...

I found myself a long time ago, I don't remember the exact time it happened, bu when it did it was a light bulb. An epiphany of sorts.

Being there, on that walk with the guys, just walking, no care of anything in the world, we were living the moment.

As random as this is, and as drunk I am now...

This is life...

DRUNK v2.5

So... yeah my heart was just broken, and Esty is making me feel terrible about it all.

BTW its v2.5 cause I wrote a 2.0 and no one will ever see it again. I was so drunk I didnt publish the post. I did save it some where...

Maybe I'll do a lost posts post...

Fukkin screwdrivers are ruining my night.

I wish I wasn't drunk, I want to witness this event...

I want to just... urgh....

Sigh...

Drunken realities are the worst cause they bring out the fear and loathing I have for this pitifully excuse of a world.

Now thats a line for the book...